God OF Nature

American car horns beep in the tone of F. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin. The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older. A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers' first flight. The albatross drinks sea water. It has a special desalinization apparatus that strains out and excretes all excess salt. In Clarendon, Texas, there is reportedly a law on the books that lawyers must accept eggs, chickens, or other produce, as well as money, as payment of legal fees. Cats purr at 26 cycles per second, the same as an idling diesel engine. A dragonfly flaps its wings 20 to 40 times a second, bees and houseflies 200 times, some mosquitoes 600 times, and a tiny gnat 1,000 times. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor. Marilyn Monroe had six toes. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed." Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic." The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used. Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan. All porcupines float in water. Cat's urine glows under a black light. Non-dairy creamer is flammable. When opossums are playing 'possum', they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror A group of unicorns is called a blessing. Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink." A group of frogs is called an army. A group of rhinos is called a crash. A group of kangaroos is called a mob A group of whales is called a pod. A group of ravens is called a murder. A group of officers is called a mess. A group of larks is called an exaltation. A group of owls is called a parliament. Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been over-mixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since. [It floats in gasoline, too.] If you could count the number of times a cricket chirps in one minute, divide by 2, add 9 and divide by 2 again, you would have the correct temperature in Celsius degrees During the Civil War, Robert E. Lee was offered command of the Union Army before he accepted his post with the Confederacy. Margaret Higgins Sanger, the birth-control pioneer, was one of eleven children. There are more than 15,000 different varieties of rice. When a man died in ancient Egypt, the females in his family would smear their heads and faces with mud and wander through the city beating themselves and tearing off their clothes. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use