FUN FACTS ABOUT LOVE

-Love is one of a human being's strongest needs, surpassed only by food and groin-kicking filthy hippies.

-Love is like an unquenchable thirst, though it can be temporarily sated with fluids other than water.

-The easiest way to tell if someone loves you is to tell them they have a nice ass. If they file a sexual harrassment suit, it's love.

-No, I'm NOT a lawyer. Why do you ask?

-The best way to show someone you love them is by buying them expensive gifts. The poor are simply unworthy of love.

-Michael Moore is, technically, poor.

-Love is full of strange, confusing contradictions, and at times makes no sense whatsoever, yet it should not be confused with the UN, since love rarely involves oil-related scandals.

-Despite what you may have been taught in school, love is more than just a few cigars and a stained blue dress

-Love means never having to say you're sorry, mostly because when you screw up, you will need to make a MUCH longer speech than that.

-For best results, include bended-knee grovelling and a lot of diamonds.

-I *told* you love wasn't for the poor.

-The French are reputed to be experts in love, mostly because it's something they can surrender to.

-You never know when love will strike, which makes it similar to terrorists. If you see love, shoot it, just to be safe.

-Some people will need Viagra for this.

-Some types of love are actually unhealthy. For example, if your love involves handcuffs, ostrich feathers, or spankings, it's fine.

-Love is a many-splendored thing, much like the diamond necklace you'll be buying when you screw up.

-Again - not for the poor.

-Money can't buy happiness, but it CAN buy love. Although I've found that the healthy kind usually costs a little extra.

-Love was originally invented by Microsoft, thus explaining its chronic instability.

-In a fight between love and Aquaman, love would conquer all, and Aquaman would confess his secret longing for King Neptune.

-Long-lasting love can be achieved by filling out the on-line registration form and only using fully licensed

versions. In the long run, pirated love will only bring misery, despite requiring fewer diamonds initially.

-For more information on the ins and outs of love (which only SOUNDS dirty) see the Love Notes category at Bad Example. Those with delicate sensibilities are urged to think twice before choosing to view the comments.